Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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