I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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