she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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