We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
