Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Pants are for mortals
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
