How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
