I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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