I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
