This is not my ceiling
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
