porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
