God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's rum buckets o'clock
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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