I wannas sexs uuuuu
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
