dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
