it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
