why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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