I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
