So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
