After last night, I could never be a politician.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
