I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
