My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
