There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
