There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
