shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
