hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
