Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
