he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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