She's JV to your varsity
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
