I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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