Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
