woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
