So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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