nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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