Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
