And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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