I love black thongs
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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