Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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