I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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