I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
