this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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