My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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