I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
