apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
