I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
