They should really pass out barf bags in church
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
