no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
