You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
