walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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