I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
