i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
