.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
