Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
