i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
