I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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