If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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