you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
